Bitch Be Crazy

So if you're here, it's because you're looking for LB. Here are the questions I figure that you're planning to ask:

Do you really think you’re all that?

No, not really. I didn’t even like that movie with Freddie Prinze, Jr. He seems like he’s a jerk.



Are you trying to publish?

Chances are slim. I’ve had this debate with fandom friends for years now. I’ve said it before. I have no issue with people publishing stories that began as fanfic and morphed into something else. I mean, seriously, Edward never tied Bella up in Twilight nor did he pilot his own helicopter. Apples and oranges, folks. (Godspeed, Icey.)



Why are you pulling then, weirdo?

I spent the last year editing in my spare time. Changing things that bothered me. Making it better. I wanted to be able to show it to some friends who knew I was writing. It snowballed and a number of people want to read it. Having it out on FFn while people I know read it is a recipe for disaster.



I don’t want to read it without Edward & Bella. Can I have a copy?

I’m sure the pdf exists out there somewhere. If I could find Volterra Rocks, you can find it.



Can I make fun of you on Twitter?

Sure.



Can I read the new version?

Sure.



Can I have Edward, then?

No, he belongs to Nina.


Posting this story was an absolutely amazing experience. It's something I never expected and am so grateful for. I wish I could save my reviews because there were times when I was having an awful day and I read something someone wrote. I can't tell you how much that meant to me. I know some people will be upset. I get it. We can agree to disagree. Or maybe no one will notice and wonder who the hell I am. #wishfulthinking

First Sentence Prompt

It was on a bright, starry night that the traveling circus rolled into town. It was on that bright, starry night that I stood in the field by the train tracks, watching the once empty space suddenly come alive. I had almost forgotten what it was like on that first night. Almost forgotten how quick the men were and how many it took to breathe life into a tattered heap of canvas. But when you’re born into this life, you never truly forget. Everything stays with you.

I hadn’t seen the giant Big Top with its dull red stripes—threadbare and worn—in over a year. It wasn’t an easy choice. Leaving. But maybe it was. I couldn’t be what they wanted me to be. What he expected me to be. I was quiet and awkward and nothing like him at all. I tried to fight it. I tried swinging (and falling) from the flying trapeze, riding (and tripping) on the white stallion’s saddle, sweating (and shaking) while I attempted to saw the pretty girl in the box in half.

I was terrible.

And when he asked me again, I did the only thing I could imagine doing. I made a choice.

So, it was on a cold, rainy night a year ago that the traveling circus pulled out of town, as if the storm was chasing it away. And I stood by the tracks alone, watching the railcars roll by, blinking away rain drops until the colorful procession was nothing more than a dot on the horizon.

Now they were back. And things were different. I was different...a gilly. Not one of them anymore. I had a job at the diner and an apartment near the square. I had a library card and a bike I rode around town.

I was miserable.

So, as I stared at the rusted engine with its cars that were once colorful and people who were once my friends…my family, I drew a deep breath, making long strides toward the tracks.

When I pushed open the door to his car and stepped inside, I felt five years old again. I could smell the shoe polish, his aftershave, and the smoke from his cigars. Hanging on the ancient armoire was his bright crimson coat, cut to the waist in the front, the tails I hid under as a child dangling in the back.

Next to the jacket was his top hat, worn around the brim, but touched up with polish to make it shine under the big top lights. The first time he handed it to me—passed it down to me—I thought he had to be kidding. I could never. The second time, I swore to myself that I’d find a place I fit in, anywhere but in the center ring. But there really was never any other place I would fit in. It was where I belonged.

As I turned to the far corner of the car, my father, who I had not seen or spoken to in a year. My father, the Ringmaster of Sabatino’s Traveling Circus, sat in his favorite chair showing no surprise at my sudden appearance.

Instead of waiting for him to say anything because, God, my father could talk, I grabbed the hat and placed it on my head. I stared at my reflection in the dusty wall mirror.

“I’m ready,” I said more to myself than to him.

“Welcome home, son,” he replied. And I was.

On a bright, starry night, the traveling circus rolled out of town, with its colorful coats and colorful railcars and colorful people…only this time, I went with it.

Picture Prompt: The Lake

I never liked the water—from the long leap off the pier to the moment my toes touched the surface. I hated the muted sounds as I plunged into murky depths below and the anxious climb back to the air above. Maybe it was about control—something I had so little of these days. Now, I found myself rowing to the center of the lake, determined. This time when I jump, I’ll take in the air and enjoy the fall. This time when I’m pulled under, I’ll welcome the silence. This time when I rise above, I’ll have peace.

New Blog

Welcome!

Sit down. Fix yourself a cocktail. I can get chatty.

I had resisted creating a blog because I honestly didn't think I had anything of substance to share. After we posted the Santa's Little Ficsters outtakes, a lot of readers were unable to get to it because of the holidays. So, instead of continuing to email copies of it out, this was the best solution.

Since I'm here, I'll try to make it fun. I'll post teasers before each update and keep you posted on what projects I'm working on aside from Living Backwards. Plus, I'm already looking ahead to what will be next on the horizon. That said, LB will always be my baby, so Joan may even have something to say every now and then.

It is just impossible for me to reply to everyone right now. I would never write anything and you would all probably kill me. So, if you have questions, this is the place to find me. Ask away!

Love you all!